


Hurts Like Hell

by orphan_account



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrino, Alya centered, Angst, F/F, F/M, I Made Myself Cry, LadyNoir - Freeform, M/M, Minor Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, Minor Chat Noir/Ladybug, Stressed Marinette Dupain-Cheng, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, alyanette - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-07 15:22:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21219095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “I need you to stop looking for Ladybug’s identity.” He frowned like it hurt to ask this of her, and Alya tensed, taking a step back and looking towards her room.Stop looking for Ladybug? How did he even know she was still adamant about the search? Alya kept it to a minimum on the blog, mentioning often enough to keep the interest of others up, but not so much as to be the only thing she cared about.





	Hurts Like Hell

Alya was not, is not, and will never be, an idiot. In fact, she’s fairly smarter than her surrounding classmates. Of course, they all were smart in their own ways, and she appreciated all of them, even Chloé, who was always coming up with clever ways to annoy others.

The point was, Alya knew she was smart enough to face anything, so why was the question of Ladybug’s identity so impossible to decipher? I mean, she was a person, an average Parisian who walked the streets with her every day. Alya had probably bumped shoulders with her before without knowing, so why didn’t she see it?

She’d seen right through Carapace, and, well, Queen Bee would have been easy to guess if given Chloé hadn’t broadcast her identity like she did.

And, while she also hadn’t confirmed Chat Noir’s civilian identity, Alya didn’t run a blog about him for years, didn’t constantly wonder who he was every day for hours. Alya had her as her phone background, had spoken to her multiple times, even held a private interview with her!

Ladybug had known who she was from day one, but Alya had no clue who was behind that mask. It was driving her mad.

Alya traced the drawing in the corner of her notebook, her face staring back with the perfectly captured twinkle in her eye. As previously stated, Alya was smart. She knew her frustration was partly motivated by these feelings for Ladybug she’d been holding in. Part of her was hoping that, if she knew who was behind the mask, that they would fade, and she could forget about the way that smile made her feel inside.

She felt guilty, harboring the feelings while dating Nino, but it wasn’t like he didn’t know. He’d always known, even before she told him. But, it was a fair trade given his huge crush on Chat Noir that the DJ was still refusing the acknowledge. Alya knew people too well to believe when he denied it, face dusted with a blush she rarely saw.

The bell rang, and Alya turned her head, catching Marinette’s startled expression. There was dried drool on her chin, and her hair was mused from leaning on her arm. Marinette quickly wiped it away, trying to wake herself up, and Alya just grinned, pretending she hadn’t zoned out the last twenty minutes of class too.

School was over, and now she was free to return home and throw herself into her blog, trying yet again to see behind a mask that may never reveal its owner. Well, that would be the case if an akuma hadn’t appeared between her house and school.

Not that it was unwelcomed, of course. Watching Ladybug in action, as well as recording for her blog, and possibly getting her miraculous again was always a bonus to her day.

It was an easy battle, one that sadly did not require the use of the fox hero. Alya watched the heroes fly away, having done their duty, and flipped the camera around to end the video. As usual, she raced home to transfer it to her computer, and uploaded it to the blog.

Alya watched it again, again, and again, pausing at the frames Ladybug was standing still enough for a clear shot of her. Alya thought up every person she knew, tried to fill in the blanks with anyone she’d passed on the street, but nothing. But, at the same time, the feeling of something so...familiar lurked behind that magical mask.

Alya couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew who Ladybug was, but she just couldn’t put her finger on the right person.

After dinner, Alya called Nino, asked him about the newest post and if he’d gotten home alright. He was fine, and chatted her up about the video, knowing she was all too excited to discuss it. Alya saw through him though, and poked a little fun at the good shots of Chat Noir she’d gotten, knowing her boyfriend had definitely liked them.

Alya wondered if she’d ever actually know. It was true that she dedicated a good amount of time to Ladybug, but she knew that it wouldn’t happen forever, that she would one day defeat Hawkmoth and would no longer use her miraculous. Alya just hoped that Ladybug would trust her enough to tell her one day, when it was safe for her to do so.

And, yeah, she knew Marinette was right, that finding her identity could very well put Alya and Ladybug herself into a lot of danger, and she would never want anyone to get hurt because she was just too curious, but she couldn’t fight off the feeling of just needing to try.

Her balcony doors opened mid-conversation, and Alya nearly dropped the phone in surprise. Nino’s worry echoed in her ear, and she assured him she was okay before explaining that she had to go, and would call him the next day.

Chat Noir stood on her balcony, hands still extended towards the glass doors, face twisted in surprise as if he hadn’t thought through what he was doing. Alya ended the call, and set the phone down, raising an eyebrow.

Chat relaxed his posture, lowering his arms and releasing his confused expression. “Alya.”

“Chat Noir. What are you doing here?” Alya replied cautiously. Chat didn’t know her identity, so it was odd for him to just appear like this. “Is Ladybug okay? Is there an akuma nearby?”

“I need you to stop looking for Ladybug’s identity.” He frowned like it hurt to ask this of her, and Alya tensed, taking a step back and looking towards her room.

Stop looking for Ladybug? How did he even know she was still adamant about the search? Alya kept it to a minimum on the blog, mentioning often enough to keep the interest of others up, but not so much as to be the only thing she cared about.

“I’m not…” Alya took a deep breath, steadying herself, and faced him again. “Don’t you want to know? She’s your partner, your best friend!”

“Of course I wanna know!” Chat exclaimed, sighing as he ran a hand over his face. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t yell.”

Alya looked to the other rooms, and relaxed when nobody seemed to stir.

“Alya, I know you’re not doing it to spread the news, or to risk your safety, but please, just stop.” She turned back slowly, not wanting to face the music. “I talked to Ladybug, and you can’t tell her I was here, but she’s worried about you.”

“Me? But, she…” Didn’t speak to her, hasn’t said anything, didn’t know how much time she really spent looking for her. “I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“She doesn’t want that for you either, and neither do I.” Chat took a step forward, and placed his hand on Alya’s shoulder. She relaxed under the somehow familiar touch. “I know how you feel Alya, it drives me crazy too. I mean, I’m in love with a girl I barely know behind her mask. But, it keeps us safe. If either of us were to know, we’d have to give up everything.”

Alya knew that, knew all of this, so why was it so hard to let go?

“My Lady is strong, but one of her weaknesses is other people. Your safety is putting a weight on her that is draining her by the day.” Chat admitted, a worried look in his eyes. Alya felt her heart being squeezed. “So, please, just take a break. Give her time to breathe, and to not worry.”

“Chat, I know you’re doing this for her, so, okay. I can’t promise I’ll stop completely, but I’ll take a step back, and focus on other things. For now, at least.” Alya wanted to be sick, felt ill to her stomach. “Can you go, please? I need to be alone.”

Chat reached for her again, but recoiled when she flinched. She felt guilt well up in her throat, but she knew if he touched her, she break.

Chat bowed and took his leave, propelling off the balcony and into the night. Alya took a shaky breath and stepped forward, closing the doors tight and locking them for safe measure. She leaned, pressing her forehead to the cool metal and glass, and let a tear slide down her face.

This was for Ladybug, for her safety and happiness. Alya would let it go, but that didn’t mean giving up on the girl she loved wouldn’t still feel like ripping her heart out. She knew that. She was smart after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to be in pain I guess.


End file.
